Welcoming someone new into the family isn’t easy. Just ask the royals. Chances are, you or a sibling will probably enlarge the family at some stage by getting married or cohabiting with a partner. So it will have to be done, and if it’s worth doing at all, it’s worth doing well.

So, here’s what happened

My family live in Hong Kong, my sister and her fiancé live in Sydney. I’m mostly all over the place (geographically speaking). They’re getting married later this year and I’d not met him before. He’s a pilot so we decided we’d all meet in New York. You can have a read of why I love the big city in my 48 Hours in New York blog.

Or, check out Miss H’s recommendations for city break locations.

We all stayed at a first-rate luxury hotel, The Setai, had a superb Italian dinner at the hotel restaurant Ai Fiori and the next night had fantastic rustic cuisine at Blue Hill. So we went to some great spots.

We also went for drinks at a Chinese-style cocktail bar, Madam Geneva, and did weekend brunch in Williamsburg at Walter Foods. Not to mention plenty of shopping in SoHo and Bedford Avenue. Why am I telling you this? Because details matter. We had a great time. We made the effort to have several days to get to know each other, made an occasion of it and mixed things up so that hopefully at least one part would bring everyone together. The fact he's a great guy obviously helped.

The absolute essentials for welcoming someone new

You’d think it would go without saying, but it bears mentioning:

1. Keep an open mind. It’s perfectly possible this new person could be a fantastic new friend, which is a great thing. Don’t pre-judge them.
2. It’s not about you. So whether you like this new person or not, respect your sibling’s choice. Their happiness is what counts.
3. Make the effort. It takes effort to make someone feel welcome, to incorporate them into your family and its intricacies. None of which happens by itself. So make the effort to be inclusive. Going out of your way will get you a long way. Remember, they’ll be doing the same for you too.
4. Get to know them. This means asking questions and actually listening to the answers. What do they like to do? What are their parents’ names? This will tell you a lot about who they really are.

Welcoming a man vs. Welcoming a woman

There’s little difference between the sexes, but those there are, are important. If you’re a guy welcoming a woman, you really have to keep it appropriate. No comments about her figure, definitely no inappropriate lingering glances or hitting on her or her friends. Save that for the wedding reception at least. Meeting a guy, you’ve always got sports and your likely mutual affection for bars to see you through any early awkwardness.

And if things really don’t go well, you only have to see him once a year at Christmas at most anyway. When you can talk about sports over a beer and laugh at how he’s actually wearing the reindeer jumper you gave him. Job done.