The one thing that I have learnt from my time in Costa Rica is that all of the ridiculously attractive men I keep encountering are surfers and I am having no luck with grabbing their attention and making small talk with them.

Instead of flirting with me all they seem to be interested in is checking surf conditions, reveling in their ‘unique’ relationship with nature. Oh, and pushing their long bushy blond hair-dos out of their eyes.  It’s so FRUSTRATING! Never have I been so ignored. I am literally at breaking point. So, I have come to the conclusion, to get some attention, I need to take some drastic action, which is why I have decided to embark on my own salty adventure and learn to surf...

Apparently surfing takes some effort and a huge level of fitness, neither of which I am in possession of. Paddling out at solid 10ft Pipeline on the North Shore of Hawaii probably isn't the most realistic goal for me or any other mere mortals for that point. If I’m honest if I try to surf I’ll only end up with a broken neck, board and ego. And let’s not even start on my allergy to exercise...

So instead of suffering this humiliation, I have decided to focus all of my efforts on my favourite pastime instead - shopping. If I have all of the equipment and look the part then those surfer dudes are sure to talk to me.

So, after doing some serious research, here is my surf selection. It may just be a drop in the ocean of the kit available, but it's a definitive drop all the same.

Surfboard

There's no point investing in a surfboard when you're just starting out – only when you're able to assess what kind of board you need and want, is it worth investing your hard-earned. BUT if you do want your own board, the best surfboard for a beginner is what is known as a ‘funboard’, these are charaterised by a medium length of 7-8 feet and are relatively wide. It’s an all-purpose surfboard which is good for recreational surfing. The fun board size and shape make it ideal for a beginner who wants to catch small waves, yet wants to progress and learn some turns and tricks. This Waterhog by Channel Island is precisely the board for that job.

Wetsuit

The O'Neill Psycho II Zen Zip is one of the warmest out there. It’s made from ultraflex XDS neoprene, which is extremely lightweight and manoeuverable. The chest is made of "Firewall", a patented insulation jersey so you can stay out in the water longer than anybody else.

Board shorts

These O'Neill Axia Superfreak women's stretch boardies have more technical features than a submarine and are as equally adept in the water. They are treated with PSYCHOSTRETCH fabric which is lightweight, fast-drying but has amazing 4-way stretch to move with and flatter your shape.

Surf wax

Mrs Palmers is one of the best, most dependable waxes out there to get good grip on your board.

Under layer

Finisterre Super Fine Merino Base Layer is the best around (that’s right, it’s made of wool). Wear this exothermic layer (it gives out heat when wet) beneath your wetsuit and you'll be super-insulated.

Flip-flops

Even though these Reef Mick Fanning (with bottle opener) thongs are for men, they’re an essential investment, so pick up a smaller size. Imagine, you're on the beach, sunset is beckoning, a cold bottle of beer lies in your mitts but no bottle opener! Don't panic, because these nifty flip-flops have a built-in opener in the sole. Genius.

Sun block

If you're going to be on the water for hours, you need a serious waterproof sunscreen. Headhunter Heavy Water Block is exactly that. Designed by surfers, it’s non-mitigating which basically means it stays where you apply it!

I can’t wait to go down to the beach in my new attire to see if I fare better with the local surfers. Hopefully they won’t notice that I really am a case of ‘all the gear and no idea’...