I am back on terra firma after my stopover in Hong Kong and the long haul lifestyle has certainly caught up on me.

I've got more bags than an airport carousel, my skin seems to be shedding so much I fear I'll be shipped off to Spinalonga, Crete to reside in the leper colony and my face is so puffy I look like I've done ten rounds with a heavyweight boxer.

Oh, and to top it all off, I bumped into Mr D at passport control, sans make-up and still wearing the bottom half of my Virgin sleep suit they had provided on the flight. Joy. I'm in need of beauty treatments and I am in need for them FAST. I emailed my friend Jane, a self-confessed spa addict (who knows all of the best treatments available) and told her I needed a Bionic Woman transformation and to book me in for nothing short of a body overhaul in 24 hours. This is what she replied with...

"Darling H,

Don't worry, we can rebuild you - we have the technology! These are the best rituals London has to offer. Your schedule is as follows:

10am: Full-body massage

A full-body massage is exactly what you need. It's an international jetsetter's must-have treatment to release tension from being cramped-up on a plane, I would recommend you head to the Ritz for this treatment, their masseuse is world-class.

11.30am: Facial

A circulation-boosting facial will revive skin that has been dehydrated from the plane air. My favourite facialist in London is by Vaishaly. She will give your skin a thorough going-over, dispersing congestion with immediate results. 

1.00pm: Medi-pedi

A pedicure will remove every scrape of dry skin and leave your nails perfectly shaped and painted, rendering your feet smooth and gorgeous-looking and it will also help reduce foot-swelling you might experience from flying. In London, try Sophy Robson for the ultimate in foot pampering.

3.00pm: Manicure

Jessica has been the world's best-known manicure brand since 1969, proving the manicurists really know what they are doing. It will leave you the neatest, sleekest, longest-lasting, real-nail manicure you've ever experienced.

4.30pm: Eyebrow Threading

Any eyebrow shaper who knows what they are doing will recommend you throw out your tweezers in favour of threading, as unlike tweezing or plucking, eyebrow threading removes one clean line of hair all at once. Head of Malika Salon to experience the beat threading in London.

6.00pm: Bikini and Full Leg wax

If you are going to be waxed within an inch of your life, then make sure you visit a salon that uses the Hot Wax technique as it is far more effective at removing hair than wax removed with strips as it minimises hair breakage and maximises comfort to you during the treatment. My London go-to waxing recommendation is the Otylia Roberts Beauty Centre; she is the woman responsible for bringing the phenomenon of the Brazilian bikini wax to the UK.

9.00pm: Drink

After a schedule like that you'll feel like a new woman, so you can join me for a drink and showcase the beautician's handiwork. Can't wait to see the improved you!

Lots of love, Jane X

Needless to say, I can't wait for tomorrow and I have already got a spring in my step, just like the Bionic Woman herself...